The secret to better gay sex most people won’t tell you about
Practice makes perfect – the secret ingredient you’ll need if you want a better experience of gay sex and intimacy
You’re probably reading this because you’d like to have a better experience of gay sex and intimacy.
Maybe you even tried a bunch of stuff already, but it didn’t work.
While there are plenty of sites and videos out there giving you handy tips on techniques, strokes, and different approaches, there’s one thing that most of them don’t mention.
Which is crazy, because it’s basically the secret ingredient you’re going to need if you want to get better at anything (including sex and intimacy)!
What is it?
Practice!
No, wait – don’t click away!
The idea of practicing to get better at sex may not sound very sexy, but there are some pretty good reasons you should keep reading…
There’s much more to pleasure than most people realise
A lot of men consider genital orgasm (especially ejaculation) to be the ultimate expression of sexual fulfilment.
So that’s the only thing they focus on.
What most don’t realise is that their whole body is capable of experiencing heights of extended pleasure that leave genital orgasm feeling like a quick sneeze!
But as Joseph Kramer, the founder of Sexological Bodywork, explains:
“The primary reason more people don’t explore sustained sexual arousal is that accessing those states requires practice. Many people don’t like to practice – not even sexual practice which can be quite pleasurable.”
This is the irony which leads to so many guys feeling like they’re missing out on reaching their full pleasure potential.
When it comes to better gay sex here’s why practice makes perfect
It’s true, you may be born with all the tools you need (the capacity for breath, movement, sound and touch are the foundations for embodied pleasure) but most of us actually need to learn – or re-learn – how to get the most out of them.
After all: you might be able to kick a football, but that doesn’t mean you can play in the world cup. You might be able to pick out a few notes on a piano, but that doesn’t make you a concert pianist.
The people who achieve those levels of fluency, ease, and creativity have spent years practicing, and honing their craft!
It’s the same with sex and intimacy.
OK, so you might not have ambitions to be a virtuoso, but even if you just want to get a bit better at it you’re still going to need to practice!
The science is clear, so why do most of us still ignore it?
When it comes to pleasure the paradox is that most of us ignore the evidence and avoid the one thing which science has shown will improve our experience.
It’s estimated that it takes 10,000 repetitions to create a new neural pathway, and anywhere between 3 – 6 months for a new behaviour to become a habit…
That’s a lot of practice!
And not something our quick fix culture is really geared up for.
As Richard Strozzi-Heckler, an expert in body-based learning, points out:
“Even though neuroscience [has] produced unequivocal scientific evidence that we learn and change through recurrent practices, it still doesn’t exist as our common understanding that transformation occurs because of new practices. Therefore we’re inclined to lean on hope and idealism that we … will change simply because we’ve been introduced to a new idea”
So if you want to do one single thing right now to improve the quality of your sex and intimacy, you know what to do…
Start practicing!
To get you going here’s a fun game for you try in the bedroom – it’s a great way to get to know yourself and your partner: what you both like, what turns you on, and you might even get some ideas for what to come back and explore more afterwards!
How to develop your own sustainable sex and intimacy practice
Even though many gay guys want their sex and intimacy to be better, one reason most of us are so resistant to practice is that it doesn’t always come easily.
So, how can you give yourself the best chance of developing and STAYING with a practice?
I know from my own experiences that one of the things which can make a huge difference to how engaged I’m able to stay with a practice is having someone alongside me, to guide me and keep me accountable.
So I’ve developed what I call ‘supported self study’ – where you get video, audio and PDF guides to practice with at your own pace at home, as well as one-to-one support calls with me. It’s the best of both worlds – personalised learning but with a more affordable price tag!
Check out my 4-week online pleasure coaching programme, and try it for yourself.
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